But Home Is Nowhere
by Seph Meadowes
Summary: Sometimes the one thing you are looking for is the one thing you can't see. Renesmee runs away and finds love in two very different boys. Nahuel/Renesmee/Alec.
1. Nahuel

_Sometimes the one thing you are looking for is the one thing you can't see. - Anonymous_

* * *

The thing about Jacob and Renesmee, they're best friends.

They're_ supposed_ to be more than that though. Afte all, she's his imprint and as nature is a fucked up bastard that thinks a werewolf with a Lolita complex would be cute and romantic...

But the thing is they're best friends. And_ just_ best friends.

He's her big brother. She's his little sister.

Nothing more, nothing less and definitely _not_ anything creepy.

Jacob Black may be a selfish and stubborn douche at times but he isn't some pedophilic nitwit.

Because he was there when she was born, when she first talked, crawled, walked, ran and hunted. He was there on her first day of pre-school, at school dances and contests. At her prom in an awkward night that both of them wished ended a lot sooner than it did (he never did get those puke stains out of the floor of the rabbit). He was an integral part of her life as she was in his.

He would do anything for her (as long as it was within reason, didn't cause him too much physical pain or cause the wrath of Bella Swan-Cullen). So when Renesmee tells him of her plans for a one woman around-the-world trip, he merely sighs, gives her strict orders to call him every single day and then helps her pack.

* * *

Renesmee talks to Jacob at least once a day.

Stealing her Grandpa Carlisle's car and loading it with luggage is a lot easier when she has a werewolf best friend helping her and making sure no one notices her departure at dawn. She now owes him more favors than what is surely legal but she can't complain when she drives into Seattle and feels that overwhelming sense of freedom.

There's not much to see in Seattle or Portland but she stops at Forks, a town she hasn't seen since she was four and walks around wet streets, dressed in baggy clothes for the downpour and spends the day wondering through places that seem distant and yet familiar. The beach in La Push, Jacob's old house, the school her parents went to, the old Cullen house in the woods and Grandpa Charlie's house.

Renesmee watches from a tree outside as her grandfather goes about his night, eating dinner and watching the game on TV. She vaguely wonders if this was how her dad was like when he was courting her mom but she shakes that thought out and continues to observe until Charlie finally falls asleep on the couch. She sneaks in quietly, her feet making no sound and she covers Charlie with a blanket before heading upstairs.

Her mom's room doesn't seem to have changed much from how it's described to her and she looks at old pictures and clothes and things that were forgotten and discarded as her mother sold her humanity. They all seem to call out to her as if welcoming the daughter of a girl that is forever gone – clumsy, awkward and insecure Bella Swan.

The sappiness of it all starts to feel a little much and she lays down on a cold bed, hugging a teddy bear that has been neglected for years and sleep comes quickly.

She's gone in the morning and Charlie doesn't suspect a thing.

* * *

San Francisco is quiet and tame when compared to Las Vegas and Renesmee spends the nights walking around in skimpy flashy clothes with too much make-up on and acting older than she really is. She goes to bars and drinks until she's a little tipsy, flirts with boys she never plans on calling, she dances to crappy music, parties until its dawn and she yawns all the way to her hotel room.

She stops in San Diego for gas and doesn't stop driving until she reaches Arizona. She stands outside at her mother's other childhood home and observes the paintjob and patched up roof courtesy of the new owners. She walks around the dessert, getting sand in her shoes and jeans and zipping her jacket off when she can't see any people and let's herself glow like a firefly under the moonlight.

She soaks in the sunlight, eyes closed and with a happy smile, feeling content until a sandstorm starts picking up and she's back in her car and driving out of town.

* * *

She reaches South America in a couple of days and she eats spicy food in Mexico, dances with handsome boys in Costa Rica and goes to coffee shops in Colombia. She parades around in pretty, short summer outfits enjoying the warmth and energy, lying on white sand beaches in the morning and listening to almost melodic guitar playing in small restaurants at night, she reads books in her rented apartment and drinks mug after mug of iced coffee.

She gets calls from her family and she tells them the same things. _I'm fine. I'm not in any trouble. I'm not angry at any of you. Don't come find me._

But she doesn't say one thing. _I don't want you here._

She just wants to be alone. And they could never give her that.

* * *

On her last day in Colombia, lounging about in the café she frequently went to, finishing off Markus Zusak's _The Book Thief_ and on her third cup of coffee, a familiar boy enters and sits down in front of her.

He has dark hair and the bluest eyes she's ever seen with such an angelic smile, she could've fallen in love with him right away.

But she just says _Hi_ and they become friends.

* * *

Nahuel comes with her and she lets him.

She finds herself a contradiction, the girl who wants to be alone and yet finds company. But Nahuel is funny, witty and nice and so much like and unlike Jacob, she can't help but like him.

They sail to Brazil and it's nearly midnight when they arrive at Esme's Island. And she spends the first night sleeping in her room while Nahuel explored the house, looking into bedrooms and inspecting the large DVD collection.

She wakes up in the morning to find breakfast at the table and she wolfs down every single thing he makes because it's _so good_ and a part of her is mildly jealous that he cooks better than her.

They spend the day rock-climbing and looking at dolphins that swim away in fear from them. She's slightly disappointed about the dolphins but Nahuel throws her unceremoniously into the water and she forgets all about dolphins as she tries to drown the idiot.

They watch the sunset on the beach, both still wet from the water and the sand sticking to their skin. Her legs are tangled with his on the sand and he's still so warm and his hand dwarfs her. She stares at their intertwined hands, glowing at the last remnants of sunlight and she thinks they fit perfectly together.

She tells him just so and he laughs and she smiles back because he has such a lovely smile and she can't help but adore him.

* * *

At nightfall, they watch the stars from her bedroom window as she tries to remember the names of the constellations and stars and he tells her stories about his escapades in the past.

She tells him about her family and all her insecurities and fears and she just can't stop because his eyes have nothing but sincerity and adoration. And she listens too as he talks until all she can focus on is his mouth and how soft they look.

She kisses him unexpectedly and a little ungraceful. It's her first kiss and he doesn't disappoint her when he kisses back and it's so sweet and perfect and imperfect that it takes her breath away.

They don't go any further than a few pecks and his hands don't wander anywhere that would've made her father throttle him to the ground.

They simply lie on the bed, her head on his chest, her eyes closed and she's lulled to sleep by his even breathing and the sweet sound of his voice.

His lips are warm as they kiss her forehead and she can't help but love him.

* * *

They travel through Peru and Chile and Argentina and she feels so light and happy and hyped up on infatuation. Because Nahuel's wonderful and he makes her laugh every moment he can and what chance does she really stand?

In the mornings they go sight-seeing and shop and eat exotic foods while at night they dance and sing and do some pretty silly things like buy a bottle of tequila the shop owner was reluctant to give them and get so drunk they can barely walk straight to their apartment.

They're happy drunks and they laugh about everything and everyone until Nahuel's lips look so tempting and she kisses him and he's kissing her and it's all so foolish because they're acting like they're just normal lovesick teenagers and perhaps for that moment they're nothing more.

She's undressing him and the next moment there are no more clothes and his hands and lips are on her and he's gentle and clumsy but she doesn't mind. He makes her moan and sigh and giggle and it's perfect and it's imperfect and _yes_, she loves him. She loves him very much.

* * *

**Nahuel's appearance is based on the fandom version with Logan Lerman.**

**This is a sort of a new spin on the whole 'Renesmee runs away plot' because seriously, if I was Renesmee, Volterra would not be my first stop. Aren't you happy I didn't make Jacob some kind of sicko here? I am. I got tired of the whole 'Jacob wants to make mutant babies with me and now I have to run away to Volterra to make vampy babies with Alec instead!' routine.  
**

** This will be three-shot with Nahuel/Renesmee and Alec/Renesmee. **


	2. Alec

They don't leave their apartment for three days.

They stay in bed and talk about the most mundane things to their thoughts, feelings and opinions of things. They talk about their families, the apocalypse and classical music. They consume nothing but bottled blood (that he always has a stash of) and lazily watch TV with Spanish movies and sitcoms they don't understand because neither of them bothered to learn the language. They laugh about random things and she kisses him just because she can and he makes love to her because she asks, so lovingly and gently that she sighs in contentment afterwards.

For the moment, they're content, they're happy.

Then he gets a call from his aunt.

* * *

He has to leave for New York the next morning and she hands him the keys to her grandfather's Mercedes.

The look he gives her before he leaves…it makes her heart sink down to her stomach, the sadness and longing in those blue eyes are almost too much to bear. The kiss is gentle but it's the most tragic goodbye she's ever gotten.

_I love you_, he tells her when they part and she whispers it back.

Then he's getting in the car and driving off, leaving her standing there in the streets for one full minute, watching the black Mercedes before she goes and books herself a flight to Australia.

* * *

She arrives in Sydney after a thirteen hour trip and she's tired and sleepy when the plane lands and goes straight to the nearest hotel.

The bellboy looks at her hopefully and tries to engage her in conversation, his blue eyes (the_ wrong_ shade of blue) stares at her in interest and he speaks nervously but persistent. She hands him a tip before slamming the door in his face.

She sighs and visibly sags as she trudges toward the bed and collapses on it. She falls asleep and doesn't dream.

* * *

She misses Nahuel.

It's sad and pathetic and stupid. Because she's only known him for so long, even though it feels longer, and she shouldn't have fallen for him that quickly. But the fact of the matter is, she's in love with him and she misses him…a lot.

She tours around all over the country, seeing sights and museums, surfing at the beach and talking to pretty Aussie boys who call her the prettiest girl they've ever seen. She meets a lot of boys with dark hair and blue eyes, some even smile like him and laugh like him. But they're not him. And as soon as that sinks in, she stops flirting and smiling and her mood is ruined.

_Love sucks_, she tells Jacob one night over the phone. He stops in between his joke involving kangaroos and Rosalie and replies, _Of course it does._

* * *

She travels to Asia the following week and she momentarily gets Nahuel out of her mind because it's all so different from what she's used to. The culture, the colors, the music, the languages and the people – it's not the same. She visits temples in Indonesia, beaches in Malaysia, caves and volcanoes in the Philippines, and mountains in South Korea. She goes mountain climbing, windsurfing, scuba diving, and visits Tokyo Disneyland.

Its fun, it's new and distracting. She keeps herself busy with breathtaking sites and the friendliness of the natives.

And in that way, she doesn't think and she can't miss anyone.

* * *

She flies to Russia and goes skiing in the mountains of Dumbay, in Turkey she shops in Istanbul, in Greece she relaxes in the thermal springs. She sees the most beautiful buildings and temples and hears the most exhilarating stories about war and politics and leaders in history.

It's all fine and dandy until she reaches Rome.

She buys herself a new car in Italy, flirts with beautiful Italian boys and drives through the area with a scooter and sees the Colosseum, the Piazza Navona and St. Peter's Square.

On her third day in Italy, she bumps into a dark-haired boy with the most intoxicating red eyes.

_Hello pet_, he greets her and she knows this won't lead to anything good.

* * *

Alec asks (_demands_) her to come with him to Volterra and she gets out a _no_ before she blacks out and finds herself waking up to the creepy excited smile of Aro, permanent incensed scowl of Caius and the bored expression of Marcus. She's terrified like you wouldn't believe and the sight of Jane's sadistic smile alone makes her want to run all the way back to Dumbay and bury herself thirty feet under the snow.

Alec pulls her to her feet and Aro welcomes her to Volterra.

There's the awkward introduction and testing to see what she could do, mostly involving her in disorientation, slight discomfort or downright monstrous pain until Aro's satisfied and asks her how long she's planning on staying. She wants to tell him that she has no plan of staying any longer but Alec smirks at her in a way that tells her leaving is out of the question contradicting Jane's scowls of disapproval and Renesmee has no idea what to do. She's treading on fragile glass and she has to be careful.

After all, every single person in that room_ is_ mentally unstable.

_As long as you'll have me_, she forces out and Aro laughs in delight.

* * *

The Volturi reminds her of the circus. It's strange but they do.

She remembers the first time she went to see the circus, all the attractions – the bear that could juggle while riding a unicycle, the bearded woman, the tiger that jumped through rings of fire, the man who could bend a metal chair with his bare hands – basically the freaks of the world.

In Volterra there was Jane the bitchy taser, Alec the paralyzer, Demetri the tracking device, Felix who can destroy anything if you piss him off enough, Heidi the pheromone queen, crazy thought-seeing Aro (and his even crazier hyena laugh), Marcus the relationship sensor and God only knew what Caius could do. Or maybe…

Caius the guy in perpetual rage, just breathe and he gets mean.

She sighs to herself and banishes the upcoming headache as she plots her way out of _Cirque de Volturi_.

* * *

Alec won't leave her alone.

It's annoying, she doesn't like it (at all) but Aro has more than a few screws loose and he assigns him as her own personal babysitter. She would've much rather get Felix or Demetri. She could've talked them into breaking stuff or in a fun game of playing '_go look for this!_'

But no she's stuck with strange, Haha-I'm-gonna-kill-you-and-I'll-damn-right-enjoy-it-Alec, the guy who's psychologically disturbed and seriously needs to get checked. Who sits on a chair facing her bed and watches her intently without blinking until she falls asleep, waits outside the bathroom as she bathes, sneers as she eats toast for breakfast and constantly makes satirical comments on her life.

He's a jerk. A creepy jerk with a face that gives her the urge to push him to the ground and do things to him that would wipe that smirk right off.

And he _knows _about her attraction to him because his smirk's_ just_ a little more arrogant and he continually makes her blush with all the inappropriate innuendo.

_Shut up!_ She exclaims in embarrassment and yes, the smirk is still there.

* * *

She's past her one week mark in Rome and finally gets bored enough to ask for permission to go out for some fresh air. Aro is apprehensive at first (as if she could escape with all the _cirque de freaks_ around) but agrees with the condition that Alec comes with her.

She really has no idea why they (well, Aro) wants her around. She's a half-breed with some semi-nifty powers but that's it. If anything, they should've been more like I'm-gonna-kill-you-Cullen-and-it's-gonna-be-so-satisfying-when-I-do-Jane. But who is she to complain, really?

Seeing Jane's glare, so filled with hatred and disgust….

Hospitality over hostility is _definitely_ loads better.

* * *

Shopping with Alec is both frustrating and entertaining.

The guy parades around the place all covered up like he's ready to climb the Himalayas. And yet, he still swaggers around like he doesn't look like some weirdo.

Moments like this made her appreciate her I-only-glow-in-the-sunlight-bitch-ha!-skin.

_Stop staring,_ he tells her. _I know you want to rip all this clothing off me and get me naked but restrain yourself. We're in public._

Her eyes widen in revulsion and she responds by grabbing his hand and showing him all the bloody, _violent_ things she'd like to do to him.

He merely smirks afterwards. _A whip? Kinky, pet._

She groans as he starts to laugh.

* * *

It happens one night.

She's lying on her bed, reading a copy of _Jane Eyre_ she finds in the library while Alec tells her of some story involving the Trevi fountain, a naked Felix and a bottle of blood-wine. She's only half-listening to what he's saying, too engrossed in what she's reading when all of a sudden the book's snatched from her hands and she glares at the infuriating vampire.

_I hate you_, she hisses out, trying to convey all her anger at him in those three words, eight letters.

He smirks that smirk she hates even more. _Keep telling yourself that, pet._

And then he proceeds to push her back on the bed and they're kissing with such ardor she forgets her own name and she's not pushing him away and suddenly there's no clothes and he's rough and passionate and it's _so hot_ and..and..she doesn't think much after that.

* * *

**Renesmee's such a slut, it's hilarious. Don't you just love snarky Alec? **

**This story was supposed to be all melodramatic and serious but I wrote Alec in and it all went to hell.  
**


	3. Renesmee

She wakes up to him in the morning, his arms around her, his cold lips on her neck in greeting. She smiles and turns around greeting him back with a kiss.

_Good morning_, they greet each other as the kiss ends.

It's sappy and cheesy and all those words they use to describe those moments in the movies, so perfect and romantic and surreal, it couldn't last.

But did it matter? Of course not.

* * *

Alec spends the mornings with her in her room, watching whatever is on TV, sneering as she eats her breakfast, him gulping down bottled blood like an alcoholic with wine and sometimes they'd talk about books they've both read.

They, unsurprisingly, have clashing views when it came to literature. She always sides with the good guys. He always sides with the bad guys.

The parallels are not lost on her and she resists the urge to throw the first edition copy of _The Phantom of the Opera_ to his face as he insults her opinion without any amount of tact.

* * *

They spend the afternoons walking around Volterra, so covered up that people stare (It's Italy for the love of God and the afternoon heat is_ sizzling_) but they (_she)_ pretends not to care.

And they went about their way, hanging out at small cafes, shopping at boutiques and (_Alec_) threatening any of the Italian boys that try to approach her.

Alec's possessive, a little crazy (alright, _more_ than a little) and has the sensitivity of a plastic spoon. He refuses to listen to any view aside from his own and he insults her taste in everything and anything and won't give her any peace of mind. However…

His hands are surprisingly gentle when he pushes her hair out of her face, his crimson eyes staring at her with an emotion she can't identify and he's breathtaking with his skin sparkling from the last remnants of rays from the sunset.

_You're glowing_, he states the obvious and smiles, like it's something funny and weird that he takes in and doesn't care.

And the thing is, she loves him and he loves her.

* * *

They spend the nights, dressed in casual clothes that still does nothing much to make themselves look less conspicuous to people. She isn't oblivious about the attractiveness of vampires, even being half garnered her more than enough attention but it isn't something she can help.

And people stare when they (_her_) eat at fancy little restaurants, waltz to sexy violin music, stroll at dark beaches with the waves cold against her bare feet, dance at clubs in a manner that would've made her father's jaw drop and laughing for no legitimate reason.

Alec's temptation with the face of an angel and a personality of a mischievous demon, his smile, his eyes, the way his hands touch every span of her skin, the tightness of his arms around her and the husky timber to his voice when she says something not meant to be heard by little children – it all draws her in and she gives in to temptation without thought.

* * *

She's on her third week mark in Italy, with Alec succeeding in invading all her thoughts and time, when she gets a call from….Nahuel. The guilt churns in her replacing the warm fuzzy feeling she has when she's with Alec and for a moment of shocking clarity, she wakes up as if from a daze.

Alec's sitting at his usual chair in her room, so engrossed in reading Nietzsche that he doesn't notice her moment of panic. Her breaths are small gasps, filled with horror and confusion, as if she's just woken from a nightmare.

_Hello?_ Nahuel's voice still sounds as sweet as ever but it does nothing to calm her suddenly turbulent thoughts.

She feels like shouting, crying and running because she doesn't know what's going on. Why is she in love with Alec? Kissing him and hugging him and declaring undying love for him? What is going on? She's in love with Nahuel, she isn't-

And suddenly the fog returns and she smiles dreamily at Alec as he does the same.

She turns off her phone without thought.

* * *

Alec is out on a last minute mission with Felix when Jane comes into her room at the middle of the night and sits down on her bed. Her crimson eyes, so much like Alec's, stare at her with the same disgust and anger she's been showing Renesmee since she first arrived.

Renesmee's used to it by now and merely shrugs it off. And asks, _What do you need, Jane?_

She may not be on friendly terms with the blonde but she could at least try to be civil. She is the sister of her boyfriend/lover/pest/friend/whatever and like it or not, Alec loves his sister very much and expects the two girls in his life to_ try _and get along.

Emphasis on 'try', Renesmee's a lot of things but downright delusional isn't one of them.

_Do you love my brother?_ Jane asks, upfront, no beating around the bush. Jane's forwardness and strict honesty are some of the things she hates and admires about the girl.

_Yes_, She answers automatically because what fact could not be clearer in the entire world? She loves Alec, loves how he makes her feel.

Jane's full plump mouth twitches and the blonde vampire's eyebrows furrowed in thought._ I didn't know it was _this_ bad. Chelsea's really done some work on you._

Chelsea? The relationship manipulator?

As if reading her thoughts, Jane continues speaking. _Yes, Cullen. Chelsea_. _Aro wanted you to stay, wanted you part of his ever growing collection. Marcus noticed the mutual attraction between you and Alec...and well, a little lust goes a long way especially with Chelsea's power. _The sneer on her face is more pronounced now._ It's pathetic really, seeing one of the most feared vampires in the world all cozy with a _freak_._

The information sinks into her mind slowly, her thought processors trying to understand the jumble of words that comes out of Jane's mouth. They don't sound right, they sound _wrong_ and cruel and unreal.

_Y-You're lying_, she stammers out and Jane only raises an eyebrow at her denial.

_No, I'm not. You know I'm not. _Jane even rolls her eyes in exasperation. _Chelse__a's going on a mission in two days, far away enough that her powers won't be able to affect you. By then, if you can finally think clearly again, you decide if you still want to stay or not._

And then she leaves, leaving Renesmee alone with her thoughts and an upcoming headache.

* * *

Just as Jane said, Chelsea leaves Volterra on a mission after two days and Renesmee waits on her bed, feeling the ebbing of the fog in her mind and the voice of lucidity returning.

A part of her is angry, pissed off at the callous manipulation of her will and feelings and another part, the part clearly still affected by Chelsea's powers feels like crying because everything she had with Alec is nothing but a big, fat lie.

Alec enters her room quietly and she rises from the bed as he moves closer, confusion and…_pain _on his face.

_I don't…_ the words escape his lips but they don't mean anything, can't express what he's really feeling. There are truly no words to describe the loss they both feel. She isn't the only victim in this heartless game.

Slowly, gingerly, she reaches for him, pulling their bodies closer until their bodies are molded together in the familiarly developed in the last few weeks. She cups his beautiful face, staring into crimson eyes that stare into her own and she kisses him, softly, with all the time in the world.

His lips are cold as they've always been, like ice against fire, they melt and chill each other in an evasive dance of wills and pleasure. They are opposites trapped in a game of lies and lust.

The kiss ends slowly, his lips grasping unto hers until the last most painful second.

_This isn't real, is it?_ She asks – states quietly, her voice barely above a whisper but he hears her all the same.

And for the first time, he seems sad. The arrogance and mania is gone, stripped away and she sees Alec, the real Alec, bare and wide open. He doesn't say anything, no denial or agreement, he just stares at her sadly, his hand still on her cheek, caressing her skin softly as if trying to memorize it.

There is only silence and she realizes this was their goodbye.

* * *

She leaves for Volterra the next morning, no one comes to stop her or even give their goodbyes. Alec left the previous night to go along with Chelsea's mission and she doesn't blame him.

She finds it painful to look at him and he must feel the same.

She arrives in Paris in her Ferrari, watching the blinking lights of the Eiffel tower and she sighs, for some reason, feeling immensely tired.

* * *

The rest of her trip consists of Austria, Germany, Denmark, the United Kingdom, Iceland and Greenland. And she could bore you with the facts, really, she could. As you would love to hear all about the sights and the things she did and didn't do.

But the thing is, she's tired, really tired. Confused, a little bit angry and tired and she has come to realize that her little road trip, the one she embarked on to go and find herself has only succeeded in headaches, heartbreaks and misguided freedom.

She's on the boat going to Iceland when she feels for the first time – homesickness.

* * *

Only one person greets her at Montreal.

Jacob Black with his sunny smile and hair too long to be a boy's greets her happily with the warmest hug she's had in a while and she melts into it.

_I missed you_, she tells him sincerely and wonders if her little trip would've been different with him around. No falling for beautiful vampire boys to be sure.

_I missed you too_, he laughingly replies, just happy to have her back and with her luggage in his muscled arms, they go home.

* * *

The trip in the rabbit is quiet. Renesmee doesn't really want to talk about her trip and Jacob doesn't really have anything to say.

This torturous silence is only broken after Jacob remembers something.

_This came in the mail for you_, Jacob hands her a postcard with a picture of the Statue of Liberty. She blinks in surprise and reads the words at the back written in neat text-like handwriting.

_**Thinking of you.**_

_**-N **_

She stares at it far longer than any moment should and she remembers sweet kisses and tequila bottles and the undeniable feeling of belonging to someone.

She smiles and thinks about her next trip.

To New York, maybe? She hears it's quite nice there.

* * *

**Chose from several different endings, picked the most realistic one. **

**Explanation: Alec/Renesmee are too volatile, improbable and flawed to last. Nahuel/Renesmee (though you may think them dull) are more suited towards each other because the thing is, he'll always be able to understand her on a level neither Alec nor Jacob can. He's the same species as her afterall.**


End file.
